Giant
Steps by John Coltrane
"Truly
awful. The wind passing out of Coltrane's sax on the title track
hits me on the first note like the strench of a decaying mouse soaked
in liquid underpants and doesn't let up until the album ends. Christ,
what a travesty! Did breathmints even exist when this was recorded?
I would have to say that of all the albums I've ever smelled, only
the Beatles' Abbey Road stinks worse than this one. Holy
hell, that Beatles album is sick-making! I'd rather smell a homeless
man's rank poop hole than listen to Abbey Road ever again.
The saving grace of Giant Steps, however, is that drummer
Art Taylor's shirt smells of boiled spinach."
Violator
by Depeche Mode
"Passable.
Dave Gahan has a pepperoni & mushroom pizza with him in the booth
while he lays down the vocals for 'Policy of Truth.' 'Halo' and
'Waiting for the Night' have an odd mixture of French cigarettes
and an ammonia-based cleaning product. I've listened to worse smelling
albums. Someone is drinking Tang during 'Personal Jesus.' My guess
is that it's Andrew Fletcher. I seem to recall reading in an issue
of Spin that he was really into novelty foods like instant
beverages and freeze-dried ice cream."
Dark
Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd
"Yuck!
Roger Waters' pants smell like a wet dirty poodle throughout most
of this album. Even though they're burning jasmine incense during
the sessions, the dog smell is totally giving me a headache. No,
thank you. Next?"
Frontiers
by Journey
"This
record smells fantastic! Very highly recommended! The studio smells
like vanilla candles during the recording of 'Separate Ways (Worlds
Apart).' Steve Perry has red liquorice on his breath while he's
singing 'Rubicon.' His vocals on this album really showcase the
pride he takes in good oral hygiene in a big way. I'd love to know
the name of the cologne which keyboardist Jonathan Cain is wearing.
It's like inhaling raw masculine sexuality. Me-e-e-e-ow!"
Songs
from the Big Chair by Tears For Fears
"Freshly cut grass and spicy hair gel dominate most tracks
here. Clearly, Roland Orzabal had been eating fish and chips with
plenty of vinegar between takes with the vocals for 'The Working
Hour.' This is an especially greasy-smelling track. Elsewhere,
particularly on 'Head Over Heals,' I can smell liquor on his breath.
Johnny Walker black label, perhaps? If you like those kinds of
smells, I suppose you'd like this album."
Music
from the Motion Picture Purple Rain
by Prince and the Revolution
"What you hear is what you smell. As you would expect, many
tracks feature a mixture of stale sex and heavy, flowery perfume.
On 'Computer Blue,' Lisa Coleman's hair has a girls' locker room
smell, a kind of sour mélange of mildewed concrete and powdery deodorant.
The odd thing here is that the recording on the compact disk smells
noticeably different than the music on the DVD of the film. The
music on the DVD has a lingering odor of Fruit Loops."
Pretenders
by The Pretenders
"Most
of this album smells pretty good, especially the track 'Kid'-- bassist
Pete Farndon has a big wad of clove chewing gum packed into his
mouth. Where it all falls apart for me is thirteen seconds into
the last track, 'Mystery Achievement.' Everything's cool, drummer
Martin Chambers is doing his thing, the studio smells like styrofoam
packing peanuts and vinyl upholstery with a hint of gasoline, but
then Chrissie Hynde does that little exhale, just before the bass
kicks in, and floats a sneaky rude one. This happens a lot more
often during the recording process than you might imagine, especially
on folk albums. Unfortunately, lighting a match doesn't affect the
smell from a recording the why it would with a live source. A bit
of advice to Chrissie Hynde: lay off the tofu."